SELF-LOVE : ONE PROVEN WAY TO SILENCE NAYSAYERS

SELF-LOVE / VALIDATION: ONE PROVEN WAY TO SILENCE NAYSAYERS

self-love

There is really ONE way to deal with the world..and I gave birth to him.

Some days ago, we (my boys, their friends and I) were on our way home in the evening; I was driving, the boys and their two friends were having a ball at the back of the car as usual – hollering, teasing, occasionally letting loose loud peals of laughter with great abandon and all the stuffs little boys and girls with no worries / cares do on their way home from school.

In the middle of their bantering, DS1 made a remark that his friend -‘I’, looked fat to him.

Now ‘I’ is chubby, really chubby while DS1 is small, really small and even though they are in the same class, ‘I’ could pass for DS1’s really big sister.

His comment neither sat well with his friend nor me and I had to come in to dispel the brief awkward silence with admonitions about how not to hurt people with our words and just how would he feel if somebody laughs at him and calls him thin?

This little man of mine simply shrugged and replied that he wouldn’t / doesn’t care.

Him: “People say that to me all the time and I’m not bothered because I know I’m fine”

Now that!

Self-love. Self-validation.

Made me real proud even though some stern talks still went on about:

1. Measuring our words before insensitively letting them loose on others,
2. Developing thick skins and disallowing people’s (mostly unsolicited) opinions getting to us.

It all ended with an apology from him with a promise and all was well with the world again.

Still, it got me thinking about how this little man understands what we, adults of the world struggle to comprehend:

  1. That we are our own strongest support system,
  2. Also that nobody can EVER make us feel inadequate without our consent and approval.

They call him small / thin / tiny but he never allows that get to him, rather seeing himself as being normal (which he is even though I constantly berate him about his size and his seeming aversion for food) and that is all that counts. No?

He’s has accepted his small frame and grown to love it, often making jokes about how he can fit into any small space or slip through where his mates couldn’t!

If that isn’t self-love, I do not know what else it is.

Even though the weight conversation has always been on but we have really come a long way from here.

Raising self-confident, self-loving and compassionate little people do not come without its own rewards and struggles, especially as they grow into ‘little adults’. At some point, they start doing the teaching from the teachings they imbibed earlier in life. I am all for this new phase, really and I hope the good teachings from us trumps the not-so-good external ones.

I digress.

We are naturally social beings, constantly seeking external approval and validation but if this quest has nothing to do with constructive / objective feedback for the purpose of appraisal at the workplace or for personal development, we kill ourselves with worry over nothing.

We are enough and seeking undue external approval / validation robs us of the freedom to live to our fullest capacity because we are constantly conscious of what the world is saying.

He taught me that self-love is the only way to silence the numerous voices around us. Whether we like or not, they are always going to be there. As a matter of fact, in this day and age of keyboard warriors, the voices get louder, every second.

The world (and their words) will only get to us, only if we allow it. Silence the voices with self-love. Validate your own existence.

They (‘world’) are not always right; as a matter of fact, the world’s lens is usually colored and limited by the angle of projection; look at the world differently because you (ironically) have a broader view.

Self-love is worth seeking for your sanity.

Love yourself and know that you are enough, let nobody tell you differently. And if they do, do not allow it get to you.

That’s too much power to give to someone who had no input in the creation of the smallest part of you.

You are perfect just the way you are, plump or thin (err..except your Doctor tells you otherwise).

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Biola Leye

Wife, mother, writer, leader, entrepreneur and lover of all things good.

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