Terrorism has become the systematic weapon of a war that knows no borders or seldom has a face.
JACQUES CHIRAC, speech, Sep. 24, 1986

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JACQUES CHIRAC, speech, Sep. 24, 1986


Terrorism has become the systematic weapon of a war that knows no borders or seldom has a face.
JACQUES CHIRAC, speech, Sep. 24, 1986


Two weeks ago, I got  a bloodily-violent earth shaking awakening to the realities of the day when the news of the bomb blast in Abuja filtered in.

It couldn’t possibly get worse until some young school girls went reportedly missing afterwards in a school in Borno State. More than 200 kids, still not reunited with their sad and anxious parents till today. We all know the culprits but I would not mention them here on my blog, they don’t merit the publicity. (I kid. And I feel fly like several thousands visit here daily)

Even in my home, ‘these people’ have several appellations. Try monsters. Try the ‘bad people’ killing people and kidnapping young children.

Until I had to define kidnap. And bomb. And bomb blast. All the nasty works.

My 3yr old couldn’t care less but explaining some of these things to a 5 yr old felt necessary, to me at least considering that he watches news, hear things, picks things and now is able to read.

He came home one day and proudly announced:

‘Mandela is dead and he’s in South Africa’
‘Oh. What happened?’
‘You don’t know that he died because he was old and sick and he’s now in heaven?’

So I had to explain this menace too so he could raise also his armor.

What say ye to getting more young and innocent kids in on the spiritual aspect of this seemingly never-ending war on terror?

The war is sadly fast consuming young ones and all hands and hearts must be on deck. It really could be anyone’s kid caught up in this web of death.

So I explained what just happened in Abuja and Borno State and my boy’s eyes grew bigger in their sockets that I wondered briefly at the wisdom in exposing such an innocent mind to such larger than life concepts.

Maybe I took it a tad too far explaining how some kids are now left parent-less and parents left childless. But what was an apalled-beyond-reason mother to do?

Do you think in your heart of hearts that a 5yr old is too young to be exposed to such?

‘How did you know, mummy?’
‘It’s all over the news’
‘Why did they do it?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe they are angry with the government’

And then an explanation of what ‘government’ is followed.

One thing this has accomplished is that his prayer vocabulary expanded. I mean, he started including ‘the bad people’ and petitioning God to stop them from doing bad things, stop them from reaching us and our house.

I only realized the enormity of this burden called information on his young heart at bedtime yesterday.

‘Yes, dear’.
‘I want you to stop throwing things’.
I was lost for a moment.
‘Throwing things? Like what?’
‘Please stop throwing match sticks.’

Oh dear.
I actually have a ‘non-self-igniting’ gas cooker and I use matches to manually ‘light’ the gas cooker when cooking.

The bin is some feet away from the cooker.
Strike the match. Light the cooker. Picture the rest. An Olympian practicing her shots at the target. Everyday, in my field.

My boy is scared. Scared that the matches could become a bomb and blow our house up, taking us with it.

Had to promise him to stop. To never throw match sticks again. Who wouldn’t in such a situation?


‘Mummy I’m very scared’

That’s fear speaking through you, my boy.

It’s finally out and it hit me square in the middle of the face. My balloon of mental energy just suffered a puncture and I could almost hear the whooshing sound as the air struggled to escape.

At that moment I could take on thousands of these coward blood-sucking chaos-creating fear-inducing demons.

I seriously wish I could wish his fear away. Yeah, pun intended. Never mind that mum too is scared shitless half of the time on hearing these news.

I wish all these evils would stop for the sake of these young ones.  

{Dem no send anybody message now, na we call them to come this crazy world come dey see and hear nonsense. Just had to voice it the way I feel.}

I want to protect these beautiful souls entrusted into my care from all these evils, shielding them from the sad realities. Unfortunately, no parent can watch over their kid or fully protect them 24 / 7.

So how do you teach a 5yr old boy to head-butt fear?

He wouldn’t go to his bed and I had to cuddle and assure, nay, reassure him and myself. God will take care of us. Because He loves us. And Jesus loves us too. Remember that and also remember that mummy and daddy are here for you, to protect you.

And by God, we will protect and defend you with everything we’ve got. Even our lives.

I listened to his heartbeat as he slept in my arms and heaved a deep sigh.

I feel so much better already voicing out this mission. I’m almost a winged or webbed female super-hero.

I just feel blessed sometimes for the gift of writing. Writing this out is akin to hugging my feelings.

I could shout it, sing it, munch it, kick it, bounce it around like those red devils hubby loves watching endlessly.

Mummy is here for you. Mummy is here. Mummy is here. I love you. L.O.V.E.Y.O.U.

And the Biggest Daddy is here for us all, He’s watching over us like a mother hen guarding her eggs and chicks jealously.
We only need to call upon Him in prayers and He will cover us with His wings. We can even run into His name, it’s big enough to hold us all and keep us safe. 

It’s okay to be scared shit-less once in a while and it’s okay to seek help too.

Still….damn the blood-sucking fear-inducing demons to hell a zillion times. The violence should stop. It shall stop. It will stop.

I believe.
For D1, D2 and every other Ds or As or Bs to Zs out there; for every sweet innocent kid who doesn’t understand what is going on and for every one trying to stifle fear and make sense of the whole needless destruction by half, I pray and wish the blood would cease to flow, the violence will stop, the sun will shine again and there will be joyful singing in the land where there has been sorrowful dirges.

And now to you dear yucky feelings of insecurity and fear,

This is just a quick thank you note from me to you…for sneaking in on me a lot lately. Your timeliness is really commendable and I’m also giving it to you for being consistent with your cowardly whispering in my ears..

You know you really succeeded in making my heart race and kicking me around, so feel free to pop a champagne or whatever they have on offer in the never-land where you live.  No one has succeeded in that department for a while. Now don’t you go getting ideas. I mean it.

You know one good thing that came out of your most recent visit? You succeeded in reminding me of who I am and what I possess on the inside. Yes.

I know me better and I know you better. I now know what makes you thrive and encourages you to lurk around and even though I try to be a genial hostess at all times, I’m changing to being mean towards you. Only you. You ain’t getting any fodder from me, not anymore. I just promised myself to stop feeding you, I hope you get the message. As you have kicked me around long enough, I’m retaliating…gotten myself some really nice boots which you’d be seeing a lot of in the coming days…so get ready to be kicked out of this place, heads down…shoulders slumped. Or maybe we could enter into some sort of agreement and put some rules in place. You come swiftly in, do your thing in ‘waking me up’ and beat a retreat immediately. Bear in mind that I’m the boss here, when I say it’s time to leave, you do just that and leave. Ok?

So thanks again for reminding me to approach that sacred throne, that place of grace and for reminding me that:

I am not given the spirit of fear but of power..of love..of a sound mind…and…I am not given the spirit of fear but of adoption by which I can cry anytime -ABBA FATHER.

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10 Replies to “Dear Feelings…”

  1. Lara, it's beyond pathetic. I really cant give words to how I feel right now. SO much grief all around and the people saddled with the responsibilty of protecting the populace are seemingly oblivious to the true situation or are clueless on how to solve these problems that are keen on swallowing the nation.

  2. I feel for the parents who don't know what is happening to their children or whether they are alive or dead. I feel for the children who are going through this untold horror. What genuinely puzzles me, and I don't know who to ask, is if the culprits are known, why is no action being taken? I simply cannot wrap my head around that 🙁

  3. Something like these horrible happenings is creeping about in Kenya as well. Somehow we have learned to live as usual with the added fear of some random utterly meaningless attack. But thank GOD, He is with us. AMEN.

  4. Abiola, I can't even imagine what I'm going to do when my boys reach that age, the age where they question everything that I don't want them to know about in this world. Our family is very sheltered from the news, me included. I'm not looking forward to the day of explaining terrorism, bombs, kidnapping, etc. to my boys. But, someday… I will.

  5. I am as confused as you are, C.

    From all Indications, this group is an highly organized one with lots of friends in the 'high places'. They operate with confidence and wield so much influence and the funniest part is -their 'hide-out' isnt hidden!. A lot is really going on that beats every human reasoning.

  6. It's really crazy. To think that the victims are usually the innocent citizens going about their lawful duties.

    God will keep protecting His own. Amen.

  7. It's really an interesting stage albeit a delicate one. Whatever answers they have right now is bound to stick and will ultimately lead to further questions. I also wish I can completely shelter them from all these…but

  8. Wow! I like this. There is so much maturity in your words. 🙂

    I hope it all ends soon too. All these insurgencies, all the pain, all the fear. I hate to say that just as your little boy was scared, so am i. I just pretend not to care, but deep within me, i fear for who or where is next. GOD help us, and keep us safe.

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