Dear SuperMom..of a Special Need’s Child

Dear SuperMom (of a special needs child),

Today, I think of you.

I see you trying to calm him down in the middle of the rows of baskets of tomatoes in the open and muddy marketplace.

Your shoulders, slumped a bit forward from the weight of your burden as one hand reaches out to bring familiar balance to his core.

I see you at the Mall, trying to guide her along the rows of wares on display while pointing at some (fascinating) objects in the not-so-far aisle.

Your dedication and love shines forth through your tired eyes.

I see the fatigue.

And trying.

To make sense of it all while discountenancing the sneaky stares.

The veiled pity, glances, unsolicited and sometimes patronizing counsels and queries from the environment.

I see how you try to maintain a balance between caring for your child and having a close-to-normal-life. And while at it, trying to not buckle under the intense pressure of having to do all of these in an environment that far from makes such tasks easy.

I know it seems preposterous to say this, but I totally get how you feel. In more ways than one.

Look away from the fact that all the experiences I have under my belt were obtained by running after little ones whose needs do not go beyond some joyful and painful shrieks, settling squabbles, handling unannounced cuddles, deciding choice of snacks and the more-than-occasional accidental weeweeing on the bed.

Yes, these definitely pale miserably into insignificance, when placed side by side with the tiniest fraction of what is on your plate right now in your job as a parent of a child born with special needs.

But you know what?

All other things may not fit into the big puzzle life is right now but I do certainly wish to tenderly smoothen the lines on your face and to tell you that I understand what you are going through. To a certain degree, that is.

I am but a ‘clueless stranger’ who would never know how hard the shoe pinches but don’t flinch just yet, please.

Maybe I would never ever fully understand your special kind of struggles.

Or your joys at the (often-taken-for-granted-by-the-rest-of-the-Universe) milestones attained by your little one(s).

Or your shock and disappointment at the sly hand dealt by fate.

Or your resignation and acceptance of not having enough powers to wish this away.

Or your acute pain, seeing your precious one in pain, this awful pain that promises to not go away anytime soon.

Or your distress at how the environment un-accepts your precious one while making a show of pitiable acceptance.

How I long to tell you that it is okay and that it is going to end well.

But if I do not get to say those words or hold your hands today, my heart seeks yours across this virtual divide.

My heart hears the unformed words in your heart.

Your heart, golden and magnificent, pulsating with dedication, resilience and love as only angels could muster and master. This angel that had been chosen to care for this treasured one.

And as another Mother’s day looms, revel in the fact that you are loved and appreciated greatly, no less by strangers.

Even if these little ones are unable to fully verbalize their feelings as much as you’d have wanted,

Your sacrifices are not unacknowledged, by the Universe and your cape, that supercape – billowing hard and strong is a testament to your awesomeness.


Happy mothers day, SuperMom.

From another mom.

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Biola Leye

Wife, mother, writer, leader, entrepreneur and lover of all things good.

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