Forgetfulness hurts

Forgetfulness hurts, real bad.

Especially when it makes you look too often like a near-fool with a near-pretty face.

To be honest, it gets so unreal sometimes and I am really feeling some kind of awful ways about it right now.

Like really down about it. Like I should get myself checked out. Like seeing a shrink. I don’t know. Just doing something other than praying or keeping notepads or writing bits down frequently until I forget to keep at any of those, again.

Sometimes we don’t talk about issues like this. Especially if you are in a position of authority and you have some other people looking up to you.

Shhh. 

But it’s normal, pretty normal.

Until you muddle up details that can cause really serious catastrophic upsets. Like bringing a dynasty down. Or wrecking a business. Or causing a mini war if there ever exists any word like that.

Everybody forgets stuff at one time or the other, you say.

Some cases are different, I say.

How difficult is it to remember words you heard only hours away…or an instruction you just gave someone.

I don’t feel like dancing, right now and not after every ‘forgetfulness episode’ for that matter. I bet you’d feel the same way if you’re burdened with this ugly trait from the pit of hell. Yeah, it’s that bad.

Something has got to feel worse than being caught in the rain with a major urge to use the loo.

I mean forgetting where you dropped the keys just minutes ago?

Forgetting whether you actually locked the door, just 5 seconds after stepping away, down the short stairs and then you have to do the short sprint back up the stairs just to double-check.

Some link this to ‘pregnancy brains’ and I am beginning to nod slightly in their wise direction even though I try not to link it to that wonderfully surreal phase that molded me in every kind of ways into who I am becoming but again, it would be quite dishonest of me not to.

Again, that would be stretching it too far considering that the last time I was pregnant was some 5+ years ago but people who knew me swear something changed about the time that knot was tied. And they would go on and on.

But you were not like this. 

I agree with them too. Inasmuch as I do not want to. Inasmuch as it gives me pain to.

What happened?

What is happening?

Is everything okay with you? 

Is there anything bothering you that you’d like to share?

Nothing. Zilch. Nada. (Not always anyway)

Does not take something happening to bring on an episode of forgetfulness for me, that is.

All might be well in my little world and boom!

Forgetfulness rocks the boat.

Absentmindedness. Blankness.

My head and heart hurts just thinking about the many mistakes that have been made on account of this ugly flaw. It takes my smile away every time I think about it.

And I just want to pour my heart out here. In my space.

Hoping by some special miracle that this goes away and I get my once-upon-a-bright mind back. Would really do anything to have it back…well, anything / everything reasonable.

You might just want to take this as a plea.

Do you know anyone experiencing this?

You?

I honestly would like to find a solution to this.

Just because. It brings an ill-feeling and unease I would love to end TODAY.

Decided to see a doctor but in the meantime, make me feel better…lift this dark fog that has no place in my heart and talk to me in the comments…pretty please?

It just might make this go away and put the smile back.

 

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Biola Leye

Wife, mother, writer, leader, entrepreneur and lover of all things good.

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