Dear Mom of Girl(s)..

Letter to a fellow mom
Letter to a fellow mom
Dear MOG / Fellow Mom,

I love that we have something in common, just a little something -we are both parents. Be it of girls or boys, biological or adoptive. It does not matter in the least.

I have a growing concern which I would love to share with you in the hope that we would come to an agreement in the end, that is if I do not bore you half-way through my rambling.

You see, I grew up in an age and environment where children were allowed to be children and adults allowed to be adults as opposed to what is obtainable now in some climes. Seriously.

It wasn’t the stone age but in my house, dresses and skirts were always knee length and pants had enough room. No skinny-show-me-your-figure kind of stuffs. God help you if you refuse to put on what was picked for you to wear to outings / events / occasions.

I never had the ‘opportunity’ to wear make up until I gained admission into the tertiary institution. And I would often ponder on how ‘mean’ mom was. Like, why would you disallow a young girl from doing stuffs like that? Sacrilege of the highest order!

Same went for wearing weaves and braids. In those days, if you were yet to ‘clear’ your SSCE, you wouldn’t dare raise the issue of ‘making’ your hair? You just wear your boyish low cuts with forced pride while all your mates are flip their weaves playing grown-ups even during short school holidays.

I used to envy ‘them’ at the time and ‘making’ my hair was one of the motivations for me to work harder in order to achieve some form of ‘liberation’.

On becoming a mom with little time to spare, ‘making’ same hair is such a chore and I love nothing more than my low-maintenance, hassle-free low-cut. Talk of irony.

Maybe your parents were more liberal but I believe my parents had their reason for putting those rules in place and I understand enough to appreciate their efforts now that I’m a parent even though I (silently) despised their ‘highhandedness’ back then. Were they living in outer space or what?
(Thanks, mom…will always love you)

I can see the times have drastically changed. At least from what is evident all around me.
It appears some of us ‘millenial’ parents cannot just wait to have our little ones grow up, super-fast. And I am not exempting myself here.

More like these little ones are being aided in their innocent growing-up-before-their-time quest.

You have a little girl or two, or three? I have two little boys and believe me, I envy you…a bit for having cute mini-yous to adorn and coordinate outfits with.

I love little girls and when I see them dressed beautifully, my heart go a-fluttering.

But in my fluttering heart, dressing little girls beautifully does not consist of groomed lashes / brows, crimson lips, foundation and the rest that you would find on fully grown models.

One day- in the recent past, I was minding my own business on Facebook when I came across a picture of one of my ‘friend’s daughter on my timeline. You know how we have ‘friends’ we barely know or interact with on FB…

A sweet little girl who is really beautiful and not in the ‘all girls are beautiful’ way but a few quick observations soon made me uneasy.

Her brows were apparently groomed / shapened with ‘dark’ pencil, she had on a weave and her lips were ‘helped’ with some light color. The overall effect was beautiful. Sexy, even…and I’m a mom…and she could not have been more than 4 years!

Quite a number of my ‘friend’s friends’ posted comments ‘ohing’ and ‘ahing’ over the pretty picture and I had half a mind to send a message to the parent who put up the picture but then, I had to keep minding my own business and keep my unsolicited advice to myself for fear of being told off. I know..I know I’m doling out that same advice now, unsolicited.

Maybe I feel differently because I’m a MOB (mother of boy(s) and don’t know jack about how little princesses are dolled up these days. Maybe it’s the in-thing. Who knows? Maybe I’m archaic…or from outer space, like my mom.

Mom of girl

Mom and son

 

 

 

MOG or MOB…we are one on this journey..

 

I just couldn’t help it.

In the far recesses of my clueless mom-of-boys mind, I could understand MOGs wanting to have the cutest little girl on the block  but a little bit of caution wouldn’t be out of order now, would it?

See, if that little girl could conjure a ‘sexy’ image in my mind, I shudder to think of what would go through the mind of the many sick predators lurking around.

I do not even want to link this with the surge in rape incidences but it is worrisome that little girls form a great percentage of rape victims, around me. I read quite a number of cases in the papers and heard about at least 3 different cases in my neighborhood recently and it makes me wonder what the world is turning into.

Little girls as young as 9 months being sexually assaulted by irresponsible sick animals called rapists and you wonder what sort of sick attraction could had led to such sick acts.
Apology to the animal kingdom. Those scumbags are worse than animals.

It’s beyond reason sometimes but I think it’s time we -MOGs and MOBs unite to take the destinies of these little ones in our hands, at least while they are in our custody.

We have a role to play, sweet MOG. Big one. Like protecting them and intentionally reducing exposures to the dangerous ‘elements’.

If we fail to act right for their sake and try to prevent some of these ugly occurrences in our own capacities (although there is really a limit to what we can do), then we are as guilty of robbing them of their innocence as much as those sick predators around.

You’ve been to a children’s party lately?
You see how kids are dolled and glammed up?
You see the winding of waist a la ‘twerking’ by little girls all in the name of dancing?
You see the sensual moves?

I was at one party earlier in the year and I was like…really?
Some of the moves would put even Kaffy (a dancer here in Nigeria) to shame ‘cos some of these little girls could / would give her a run for her money.
Where do our kids pick those moves from?

Of course, that doesn’t require an answer.

If you were there, you would be as amused as I was for some were actually a delight to watch in their innocent attempts to be ‘grown-ups’ but we really need to watch it. Seriously.

Apologies if I come across as opinionated but I’m not sure we have tenable reasons to clad our little innocent ones in very skimpy wears with ‘full head’ of weaves complete with ‘full face’ of make-up all in the name of wanting them to look cute and adorable.

We have to get real and get to work. And this is not even remotely suggesting that these cute ones should stop being ‘adorned’ with pretty stuffs…but moderation is one of the keywords here.

She is beautiful, cute and adorable enough the way she is, in all her sweet innocence.

Let us allow them enjoy their childhood properly and when they’re fully grown, they would make their own choices / decisions themselves. Right ones too if we get the foundation right, God helping us.

If I were to have a little girl, maybe I would take my own advise and guard her jealously but what do I know after-all I am just a mom of two little boys who still wouldn’t eat their veggies?

In all, I really do hope you would discountenance the fact that I am just a blubbering MOB (who still yell and struggle with this parenting thing) trying to remove the specks of dust in your eyes through the log in mine.

Thank you.

From another concerned Mom,

 

***This post is an edited version of a 2014 write-up***

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8 thoughts on “Dear Mom of Girl(s)..

  • September 8, 2014 at 6:34 am
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    I agree with you for the most part. Children are being exposed to things they have no business knowing about at this age both sexually and image and perception wise. My mother didn't allow relaxer until I went to varsity. I had a gigantic fro my whole life and I thank her for it. I can't imagine how she would feel about a baby with a weave. #thehorror. After I moved to SA, I found that the schools are very easy going. Children can wear any hairstyle as long as they keep it out of their faces so I have seen everything from blonde weaves to shaved sides of the head. We are in danger of raising babies with self esteem issues, image issues, sexual issues and and and …. Its real food for thought.

    However (and this is a very important distinction for me) no matter how a child is dressed, a predator will do what a predator will do given half a chance. A child wearing makeup is not an invitation to rape. Just like a woman wearing a short skirt isn't an invitation to the same. Sickos do what they do out of the sickness of their own minds. It is a decision they make no matter what mistakes (or not) mothers make with their children.

    Reply
  • September 13, 2014 at 10:26 am
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    Thanks for visiting, Uniquely different.

    Values should not really change or we would all be in a deep mess.

    Reply
  • September 13, 2014 at 10:33 am
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    Hi C,

    I still have a post I wrote late last year on a pageant for toddlers (Toddlers and Tiara) I was 'opportuned' to see. It really gave me a tough curd to chew on…we are really in danger of raising kids with self esteem images.

    Though it's an angle I did not consider while writing the post but I completely agree with you…from experience too that regardless of how a child is garbed, sickos will still do what they want to do if chance permits them. We can only do our best to protect them like we should and not expose them unduly.

    Reply
  • September 19, 2014 at 7:03 pm
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    I totally agree with you. You clad your lil girl in tube tops when she's 7 and stop her when she's 14. of course she'll rebel & wonder what is wrong with you since you started her off in that direction

    Reply

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